You’re not suddenly going to lose everything and slide down if you give yourself a break.’ And that goes for gym-based gains as well as ones at work. ‘Highly motivated people are still going to be highly motivated if they are nice to themselves. As if stopping treating themselves badly will automatically make them slack off,’ explains Dr Hibberd. ‘People commonly believe that critical self-talk is helpful in terms of motivating them to achieve their goals. ‘Because of the way our brains have evolved we are programmed to focus on the negative,’ Dr Hibberd explains. And if you don’t keep notes of the good things you’ve been told, your brain is likely to file them under junk. That said – a little extrinsic (read: from outside) motivation doesn’t hurt every now and then. So, if bigging yourself up offends all your self-deprecating British sensibilities just think, who would you rather be: the person who has a strong sense of self-esteem because of health self-talk – or the one with the fragile ego, always seeking validation from others? Er, exactly. ‘If you don’t acknowledge when you are doing well then you are always going to be looking for other people to tell you something you’ve done is good,’ explains Dr.
‘Whether it’s a grandparent, an inspiring aunty of a work mentor, imagine what they would say,’ suggests Dr Hibberd. To help, call to mind that person who motivated you to get something done with their compassionate approach.
Using new words to talk to yourself is hard – and it’s natural to feel really bloody awkward.
Make a list you can refer back to and bring up the next time negative thoughts threaten to engulf your mind and hold you back. ‘What were you most worried about? What steps did you put in place that you think made the difference? ‘If you feel like you can’t do something, call to mind a time when you really doubted yourself, but you actually pulled it off,’ suggests Dr Hibberd. Fight your caseĪn important part of dialling down self-hate is interrupting your spiralling mind with evidence. When you identify a piece of hateful self-talk in your mind, Dr Hibberd recommends pausing to ask yourself: is this accurate? 2.
#Dont sleep out of self hatred upgrade#
So, before you try to upgrade your words you need to actually become aware of the ones you are using right now. A lot of what people say to themselves can be quite automatic,’ Dr Hibberd explains. ‘People don’t often realise they are saying critical l things to themselves.
#Dont sleep out of self hatred how to#
HOW TO STOP SELF HATE:ħ DAY-TO-DAY TIPS 1. Want to re-write that script? Dr Hibberd spells out the steps. It’s about allowing yourself to see what you can do when you back yourself.’Ī resounding yes to that. ‘People tend to think that compassion is such a soft thing, when really it's a position of strength and warmth. ‘All the research suggests that you will try much harder to achieve a goal with the assistance of someone who takes a compassionate, encouraging approach,’ psychologist and founder of positive mental health app Noodle Dr Jessamy Hibberd tells WH. Who said there was no way you’d make it happen and that it wasn’t worth trying. Who was it that helped you through? We’re going to take an educated guess it probably wasn’t someone who shouted at you to do it. Or that sticky conversation with a partner that you were dreading but absolutely had to have. Maybe it was a big work project, or your first half marathon. Think about a time you had hurdle in front of you, something that felt insurmountable. Self-hate can actually hamper our ability to achieve those self-esteem fostering goals. The negative internal monologue so many of us go about our days with doesn’t just make us feel badly about ourselves. But since it’s In Shape My Shape month on Women’s Health and we’re taking all things self-esteem and positive body image, we’re not about the let it lie.Īnd this isn’t about sacking off your ambition to reach your goals in favour of the oh-so-2018 virtue of ‘being kind to yourself’ because it sounds nice. Do you talk shit about yourself – to yourself? If you answered no then, well, get yourself a congratulatory cookie and go bask in your endogenous sunshine vibes.
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